I managed to move half my things out when they were away for a day and now I'm in trouble for doing that.
I'm very much a lurker here. I've been keeping up with this thread.
Girl, you need a counselor to help you deal with this verbal abuse. You are an adult. You don't need their permission on where to live. You can't get "in trouble" for moving into your own home.
Please for your own sake run. Run far away and get counseling to help you deal with your overbearing manipulative mother.
I have to say I'm surprised your FI even deals with this. It would be a total deal breaker for me. No way in hell would I allow my now-husband's mother control our lives. Hell no.
I managed to move half my things out when they were away for a day and now I'm in trouble for doing that.
Can you please elaborate? What kind of trouble? Trouble, as in she yelled at you? Big deal.
Get away from this relationship. It's abusive and not something you should be around. You're an adult - so you should act like one, since your mother clearly isn't.
Congratulations on making the move - even if you were only able to move 1/2 of your stuff. Forget "stuff". Focus on moving forward. "Getting into trouble"? Yes, of course she will yell, call names, throw stuff ---- SO WHAT!??? This is HER problem - NOT YOUR PROBLEM! I am sorry you do not have the mother you would want nor need. Please see a counselor to help you heal and move forward so you can deal with life in a healthy - and happier manner. Good luck.
Congratulations on taking the first step! I'm sure you were upset and scared to do it, but you did it! Now keep moving forward.
This is the time when your mom will be fighting the hardest. She will probably vacillate between being extra mean and extra nice in an attempt to keep you under her thumb.
So she got mad...is that what you mean by you "got in trouble"? That was only to be expected. But didn't you also feel relief to finally be moving forward into the next, more positive phase of your life?
I know it's hard. Every child (no matter their age) wants love, approval, and acceptance from their mother. But this is something you will never have from her and that's not your fault. She sounds incapable of giving those things. And the harder you try to get something she can't give, the more it tears you down.
Congratulations on taking the first step! I'm sure you were upset and scared to do it, but you did it! Now keep moving forward.
This is the time when your mom will be fighting the hardest. She will probably vacillate between being extra mean and extra nice in an attempt to keep you under her thumb.
So she got mad...is that what you mean by you "got in trouble"? That was only to be expected. But didn't you also feel relief to finally be moving forward into the next, more positive phase of your life?
I know it's hard. Every child (no matter their age) wants love, approval, and acceptance from their mother. But this is something you will never have from her and that's not your fault. She sounds incapable of giving those things. And the harder you try to get something she can't give, the more it tears you down.
This. Let the bitter bitch rage or fake kindness all she wants. It is time for you to be happy and live your life on her terms. You have to focus on rebuilding your mental health as being raised by a monster like that will leave scars.
I know that my mother will never approve of me and refusing to live for her approval has been liberating.
Just to let you all know the update - i finally moved out completely a few weeks ago! She has taken me on the worlds worst guilt trip since but i haven't risen to it and have ignored her snide comments!
Thank-you all so so much for your help. I am looking to seek counselling in the new year to help the scars.
Just to let you all know the update - i finally moved out completely a few weeks ago! She has taken me on the worlds worst guilt trip since but i haven't risen to it and have ignored her snide comments!
Thank-you all so so much for your help. I am looking to seek counselling in the new year to help the scars.
x
Thanks for letting us know. I remember your post and am glad to hear you moved completely out. Things should only get better from here!
You need to retrain her. If she starts guilt tripping you or making snide comments, politely tell her the subject of your moving is closed and you do not want to hear anymore about it. And then get off the phone (if on the phone) or leave wherever you are with her. Or ask her to leave your home if you all are there.
The first few times will be hard. But she will soon learn that her complaints are falling on deaf ears and you will just leave her presence when they start.
Re: Controlling mother won't let me move
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Forget "stuff". Focus on moving forward.
"Getting into trouble"? Yes, of course she will yell, call names, throw stuff ---- SO WHAT!???
This is HER problem - NOT YOUR PROBLEM!
I am sorry you do not have the mother you would want nor need. Please see a counselor to help you heal and move forward so you can deal with life in a healthy - and happier manner.
Good luck.
Congratulations on taking the first step! I'm sure you were upset and scared to do it, but you did it! Now keep moving forward.
This is the time when your mom will be fighting the hardest. She will probably vacillate between being extra mean and extra nice in an attempt to keep you under her thumb.
So she got mad...is that what you mean by you "got in trouble"? That was only to be expected. But didn't you also feel relief to finally be moving forward into the next, more positive phase of your life?
I know it's hard. Every child (no matter their age) wants love, approval, and acceptance from their mother. But this is something you will never have from her and that's not your fault. She sounds incapable of giving those things. And the harder you try to get something she can't give, the more it tears you down.
Thanks for letting us know. I remember your post and am glad to hear you moved completely out. Things should only get better from here!
You need to retrain her. If she starts guilt tripping you or making snide comments, politely tell her the subject of your moving is closed and you do not want to hear anymore about it. And then get off the phone (if on the phone) or leave wherever you are with her. Or ask her to leave your home if you all are there.
The first few times will be hard. But she will soon learn that her complaints are falling on deaf ears and you will just leave her presence when they start.