MM: Newborn Baby and Saving Money

MommyLiberty5013 · April 2017

My biggest annoyances with "mommy wars" are vaccine battles and breast feeding, specifically the "breast is best" mantra. That's changing now to "fed is best," now that mothers have been so scared to give formula and actually had their kids die of dehydration because they weren't producing enough breast milk. Thankfully, many clinics and doctors are taking a more balanced approach to showing how breast milk is awesome, but formula is good too and people shouldn't feel guilty or ashamed for using it. I breast fed all three kids, but had to swap to formula after one week with our fourth. I've seen both sides of this "mommy war," personally and have friends on both sides of it and it's so unpleasant. I also got a rude awakening these past weeks when a group of anti vaxers exposed my kids to pertussis. So angry. Ugh. On that I see no flexibility.

LillibetteV · April 2017

MommyLiberty5013 said:

Have you seen the breathable ones? They fit tight against the crib rails but they are soft mesh, with tons of tiny holes so breathable. We've used those with all four kids. Super great to keep kids' limbs from getting stuck between the rails which is very painful...

Pediatricians advise against those as well so Baby V is getting nothing but a fitted sheet in his/her crib. But like everyone else has said - we all have our own things that we're going to be extra particular about. I have friends that sanitize the heck out of everything and I'm definitely more of a "let them eat dirt" kinda person. I have friends that must have the newest and best of everything for their child, but no college savings and I'm over here like "hand-me-downs all the way kid! Momma is putting the savings into your 529 plan" There is no one right or wrong way.

hoffse · April 2017

MommyLiberty5013 said:

My biggest annoyances with "mommy wars" are vaccine battles and breast feeding, specifically the "breast is best" mantra. That's changing now to "fed is best," now that mothers have been so scared to give formula and actually had their kids die of dehydration because they weren't producing enough breast milk. Thankfully, many clinics and doctors are taking a more balanced approach to showing how breast milk is awesome, but formula is good too and people shouldn't feel guilty or ashamed for using it. I breast fed all three kids, but had to swap to formula after one week with our fourth. I've seen both sides of this "mommy war," personally and have friends on both sides of it and it's so unpleasant. I also got a rude awakening these past weeks when a group of anti vaxers exposed my kids to pertussis. So angry. Ugh. On that I see no flexibility.

I am such a fan of this. I feel like all of the new parents I know are so overwhelmed, and the breast feeding guilt trip is just a recipe for disaster when you consider postpartum hormones, lack of sleep, etc. Our niece was bottle fed intermittently for a few weeks before my SIL's milk supply was firmly established. She is absolutely no worse off for it (and selfishly, I absolutely love that I have a photo of me and H both feeding her as a newborn!).

My H was bottle fed his entire childhood. He was fail to thrive and allergic to something in his mom's milk. She could feed the other two boys, but not him. He would have died without formula. He is one of the smartest, most successful, and well-adjusted people I know. In fact, I think he's loads smarter than either of his brothers....

als1982 · April 2017

MommyLiberty5013 said:

My biggest annoyances with "mommy wars" are vaccine battles and breast feeding, specifically the "breast is best" mantra. That's changing now to "fed is best," now that mothers have been so scared to give formula and actually had their kids die of dehydration because they weren't producing enough breast milk. Thankfully, many clinics and doctors are taking a more balanced approach to showing how breast milk is awesome, but formula is good too and people shouldn't feel guilty or ashamed for using it. I breast fed all three kids, but had to swap to formula after one week with our fourth. I've seen both sides of this "mommy war," personally and have friends on both sides of it and it's so unpleasant. I also got a rude awakening these past weeks when a group of anti vaxers exposed my kids to pertussis. So angry. Ugh. On that I see no flexibility.

All of this. And there's nothing wrong with an occasional Happy Meal and eating a fist full of dirt every once in a while is probably a good thing!

short+sassy · April 2017

hoffse said:

MommyLiberty5013 said:

My biggest annoyances with "mommy wars" are vaccine battles and breast feeding, specifically the "breast is best" mantra. That's changing now to "fed is best," now that mothers have been so scared to give formula and actually had their kids die of dehydration because they weren't producing enough breast milk. Thankfully, many clinics and doctors are taking a more balanced approach to showing how breast milk is awesome, but formula is good too and people shouldn't feel guilty or ashamed for using it. I breast fed all three kids, but had to swap to formula after one week with our fourth. I've seen both sides of this "mommy war," personally and have friends on both sides of it and it's so unpleasant. I also got a rude awakening these past weeks when a group of anti vaxers exposed my kids to pertussis. So angry. Ugh. On that I see no flexibility.

I am such a fan of this. I feel like all of the new parents I know are so overwhelmed, and the breast feeding guilt trip is just a recipe for disaster when you consider postpartum hormones, lack of sleep, etc. Our niece was bottle fed intermittently for a few weeks before my SIL's milk supply was firmly established. She is absolutely no worse off for it (and selfishly, I absolutely love that I have a photo of me and H both feeding her as a newborn!).

My H was bottle fed his entire childhood. He was fail to thrive and allergic to something in his mom's milk. She could feed the other two boys, but not him. He would have died without formula. He is one of the smartest, most successful, and well-adjusted people I know. In fact, I think he's loads smarter than either of his brothers....

So true! My sister had major surgery a few days after she gave birth. Awful circumstance to say the least. But she couldn't breastfeed her first because of it. Breast feeding isn't always possible for new moms for a myriad of reasons. To be fair, I'm not that knowledgeable about the pros and cons. But it seems to me, as long as a baby is thriving and fed, then "goal accomplished".

vlagrl35 · April 2017

jtmh2012 said:

I'll just go sit over here and keep quiet. No desire to stir the pot.....

I do agree with you though. If DD fell asleep in her car seat why wake her. I never understood the mommy wars. It's pointless.

vlagrl35 · April 2017

oh and I never breast fed!! and my kid never got sick until she started pre school. I decided against it while I was still pregnant. It was best for us. Hospital didn't give me crap either which was nice.

Xstatic3333 · April 2017

I *thought* I'd always take my kid out of the bucket the second we got somewhere, but in reality, if he's sleeping I'm not gonna wake him unless I'm putting him in the lillebaby for a walking activity like grocery shopping. He's always supervised, though. Even during our one restaurant trip so far I basically ignored everyone and stared at him. I'm pretty strict on crib safety because I've found it helps my own peace of mind, but still had him sleep in the RNP the first couple of weeks home out of pure desperation, which is another thing I said I'd never do. It's an adventure for sure!

Not to derail but @brij2006 since it sounds like you also have a tall baby and a non-gigantic car, can I ask what convertible brand you went with? I'm hoping to rear face to the seat's limits but honestly if it's 40 lbs, that might not even be that long. Kiddo is growing like a weed.

@MommyLiberty5013 I'd be so furious about pertussis! That's awful!

brij2006 · April 2017

@Xstatic3333 We have 2 different ones. The Chicco Nexfit (with zip) and a Britax Marathon Clicktight.
Each has its own purpose for us. H drives a Dodge Magnum so it isn't a huge car, but isn't compact either. The Chicco fits perfectly in there and doesn't take up much room. I can still comfortably sit in the passenger seat. But the Britax takes up more front to back space. However, the clicktight has been invaluable to us. We play musical car seats at least twice a week with grandparents and the Mustang. It's stupidly easy to install properly and is sort of fail proof. I never install it using latch because it's so easy with the seatbelt.
Both of those go to 40lbs or 40".

At DD's 2 year appointment she was 36" tall and 26lbs. So she's long and lanky(about time a girl in our family gets those genes). She will easily outgrow the seat in height before weight.
Also remember that kids do taper off. I don't remember how old your child is, but once they start walking the weight gain usually slows down.

Another really good seat with extended RFing specs is the Diono Radian RXT. That one goes to 44" and 45lbs for RFing. You can also buy an angle adjuster for it that gives you more front to back room when RFing.
Once #2 is out of the bucket seat, I'm very tempted to move #2 into DD's current seat RFing and then get the Diono for DD.
We are also about 75% sure we'll try for a 3rd and the Diono can fit 3 across in most cars. So eventually we may end up with those.

Xstatic3333 · April 2017

Thanks @brij2006! That's really helpful. The Chicco was at the top of my list to try out at BRU. Sam's only 9 weeks so he'll definitely slow down, but we expect he'll stay at the top of the growth curves. He's around 25" and 15 lbs right now, but alllllll torso which is why our time in the bucket is growing slim. I want to figure out what we want while there's still time to watch for Amazon deals.

bmo88 · April 2017

Haha, on the comments about how things can get heated with parent choices. I can definitely see that. Thank you again for the suggestions. I have been jotting them down and telling DH as well. We have decided to wait a few more weeks once the first trimester passes to start more formal planning.

bmo88 · April 2017

als1982 jtmh2012 vlagrl35 Ugh, the mommy wars stuff sounds miserable.

I will be honest, while we don't have children yet, we both work in schools. So we have seen our fair share of very different, interesting child behavior and parenting choices.

There is one thing DH has learned as a teacher...there isn't one single approach or technique that works for every single child. So he has thankfully developed a very flexible and relaxed approach to working with kids. We just don't believe that strongly in a lot of things that we feel the need to preach it until we are in blue in the face.

Of course we want to practice safety (i.e., quality car seats), but there are a lot of ways to go about doing it. Also, if it ain't my child...I don't really care how someone parents it.

als1982 · April 2017

bmo88 said:

als1982 jtmh2012 vlagrl35 Ugh, the mommy wars stuff sounds miserable.

I will be honest, while we don't have children yet, we both work in schools. So we have seen our fair share of very different, interesting child behavior and parenting choices.

There is one thing DH has learned as a teacher...there isn't one single approach or technique that works for every single child. So he has thankfully developed a very flexible and relaxed approach to working with kids. We just don't believe that strongly in a lot of things that we feel the need to preach it until we are in blue in the face.

Of course we want to practice safety (i.e., quality car seats), but there are a lot of ways to go about doing it. Also, if it ain't my child...I don't really care how someone parents it.

Yeah, I think working at a children's hospital definitely shapes my views about infant, toddler and child safety. Parents don't think it'll happen to them, until it does.

cbee817 · April 2017

Also, if it ain't my child...I don't really care how someone parents it.

I always used to think this too and then DD#1 was bullied quite a bit this year by one girl in her class. The teacher was very supportive and moved them to separate areas of the classroom. Thet also met with the school counselor a few times. Some of things she was saying clearly came from an adult- might be the parents, might be someone else in the child's life... either way it was not what we were expecting in 1st grade and I hope they can get her some help before things get worse.

vlagrl35 · April 2017

cbee817 said:

Also, if it ain't my child...I don't really care how someone parents it.

I always used to think this too and then DD#1 was bullied quite a bit this year by one girl in her class. The teacher was very supportive and moved them to separate areas of the classroom. Thet also met with the school counselor a few times. Some of things she was saying clearly came from an adult- might be the parents, might be someone else in the child's life... either way it was not what we were expecting in 1st grade and I hope they can get her some help before things get worse.

bullying that young! omg. Yeah sometimes an adult needs to step in and help.

jtmh2012 · April 2017

bmo88 said:

als1982 jtmh2012 vlagrl35 Ugh, the mommy wars stuff sounds miserable.

I haven't seen too much of it. Mostly online, but then when I go out with our son to the story times and such, all the moms pretty much ignore me.

MommyLiberty5013 · April 2017

bmo88 said:

als1982 jtmh2012 vlagrl35 Ugh, the mommy wars stuff sounds miserable.

I will be honest, while we don't have children yet, we both work in schools. So we have seen our fair share of very different, interesting child behavior and parenting choices.

There is one thing DH has learned as a teacher...there isn't one single approach or technique that works for every single child. So he has thankfully developed a very flexible and relaxed approach to working with kids. We just don't believe that strongly in a lot of things that we feel the need to preach it until we are in blue in the face.

Of course we want to practice safety (i.e., quality car seats), but there are a lot of ways to go about doing it. Also, if it ain't my child...I don't really care how someone parents it.

I agree with you, "If it ain't my child, I don't care how someone parents it." I think the ONE issue that does parent for you whether you like it or not is another parent's vaccination decisions. Every single thing beyond that is truly only going to affect that one family and their lives as their own unit. Vaccines go beyond the scope of one family unit and affect others.

LillibetteV · April 2017

MommyLiberty5013 said:

bmo88 said:

als1982 jtmh2012 vlagrl35 Ugh, the mommy wars stuff sounds miserable.

I will be honest, while we don't have children yet, we both work in schools. So we have seen our fair share of very different, interesting child behavior and parenting choices.

There is one thing DH has learned as a teacher...there isn't one single approach or technique that works for every single child. So he has thankfully developed a very flexible and relaxed approach to working with kids. We just don't believe that strongly in a lot of things that we feel the need to preach it until we are in blue in the face.

Of course we want to practice safety (i.e., quality car seats), but there are a lot of ways to go about doing it. Also, if it ain't my child...I don't really care how someone parents it.

I agree with you, "If it ain't my child, I don't care how someone parents it." I think the ONE issue that does parent for you whether you like it or not is another parent's vaccination decisions. Every single thing beyond that is truly only going to affect that one family and their lives as their own unit. Vaccines go beyond the scope of one family unit and affect others.

We are looking for a pediatrician right now and a doc that doesn't allow parents to skip or alter the vaccine schedules is high priority. Herd immunity is so important for the kids that are too young or too sick to be fully vaccinated themselves.

brij2006 · April 2017

LillibetteV said:

MommyLiberty5013 said:

bmo88 said:

als1982 jtmh2012 vlagrl35 Ugh, the mommy wars stuff sounds miserable.

I will be honest, while we don't have children yet, we both work in schools. So we have seen our fair share of very different, interesting child behavior and parenting choices.

There is one thing DH has learned as a teacher...there isn't one single approach or technique that works for every single child. So he has thankfully developed a very flexible and relaxed approach to working with kids. We just don't believe that strongly in a lot of things that we feel the need to preach it until we are in blue in the face.

Of course we want to practice safety (i.e., quality car seats), but there are a lot of ways to go about doing it. Also, if it ain't my child...I don't really care how someone parents it.

I agree with you, "If it ain't my child, I don't care how someone parents it." I think the ONE issue that does parent for you whether you like it or not is another parent's vaccination decisions. Every single thing beyond that is truly only going to affect that one family and their lives as their own unit. Vaccines go beyond the scope of one family unit and affect others.

We are looking for a pediatrician right now and a doc that doesn't allow parents to skip or alter the vaccine schedules is high priority. Herd immunity is so important for the kids that are too young or too sick to be fully vaccinated themselves.

I will say this is one of my favorite things about living in rural country. The nearest pediatrician who will allow delayed vaccinations or none at all are over 2 hours away from us. So it's not much of a problem around here. The pediatricians may not be the most up to date on things, but they aren't afraid to flat out say they vaccinate on time and won't veer from it.

MM: Newborn Baby and Saving Money

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