Sexting? How do you forgive and move on?

SweetCuppinCakes · October 2010

OosumSauce · October 2010

blondyszondy:

As ONE other person put (at leat of the few that I read) I am in agreement. I am 100% positive that I would try to work it out, and forgive. I am 100% against divorce UNLESS it is abusive! My husband has lied to me, over and over, never about another women just about things he does. And I forgive over and over, and yes that means sometimes I don't believe what he says to me, but I believe it is worth fighting for. You married this person for a reason, marriage is a binding contract. When you get married you should lock the door and throw away the key (this is my opinion & also a verse from the song we danced to at our wedding)! I am also in complete agreement with the book advice, 5 Love Languages is an AMAZING read, for ANY marriage, especially a struggling one. No matter what you are struggling about. You can also just google that, and it does give you descriptions of each love language, if you don't want to purchase/read a book. This is definitely one of the first ways to start, because you can figure out HOW he needs to be loved, which you maybe weren't doing before. I also suggest showing/telling him what your love language is so HE can love you the way you need! All that said, sorry it was so long, but I hope you try your hardest to forgive! (You don't NEED to forget, it hurt you, that's okay to remember!) Good luck!

This is what you are to your H

Chantalr99 · October 2010

I don't know how you feel because I have not experienced this pain, but please before you decide anything, watch the movie "Fireproof"

SweetCuppinCakes · October 2010

Chantalr99 · October 2010

I don't know how you feel because I have not experienced this myself, but please, before you decide anything, watch the movie "FireProof"

Jocelyn0415 · October 2010

Chantalr99:
I don't know how you feel because I have not experienced this myself, but please, before you decide anything, watch the movie "FireProof"

OMG...are you serious? Hmm

MayBird · October 2010

I caught my hubby in a similar situation but it wasn't sexting it was cyber sexing and occasional phone sex. However, unlike you, he never knew the women he did it with and all or most of them lived in completely different states. I only took him back after he agreed to go to counseling to see why he was behaving like this. I'm confident, however, that he never met these women (I KNOW because I changed all his passwords and checked all his emails and there was no evidence of it) so it was easier to forgive him. IF it were someone he worked with I would NEVER take his word for it and I would've left him. In fact, I told him if I EVER find out he did meet someone I'm out the door. I think that if you want to stay with him both of you should go to counseling and if he is unwilling, then maybe it is best you go separate ways. I agree that he probably won't tell you the truth and if he were sneaking out to meet this woman, there's a good chance it wasn't just a casual meeting.

SweetCuppinCakes · October 2010

OosumSauce · October 2010

MayBird:
I caught my hubby in a similar situation but it wasn't sexting it was cyber sexing and occasional phone sex. However, unlike you, he never knew the women he did it with and all or most of them lived in completely different states. I only took him back after he agreed to go to counseling to see why he was behaving like this. I'm confident, however, that he never met these women (I KNOW because I changed all his passwords and checked all his emails and there was no evidence of it) so it was easier to forgive him. IF it were someone he worked with I would NEVER take his word for it and I would've left him. In fact, I told him if I EVER find out he did meet someone I'm out the door. I think that if you want to stay with him both of you should go to counseling and if he is unwilling, then maybe it is best you go separate ways. I agree that he probably won't tell you the truth and if he were sneaking out to meet this woman, there's a good chance it wasn't just a casual meeting.

And there is no way for him to EVER met a woman near you that he could start doing this with or even OMG decide to stick him peen into. HOW THE FUUCK COULD YOU EVER FEEL LIKE YOU CAN TRUST HIM OUT OF YOUR SIGHT? Another doormat idiot.

L_Woods · October 2010

MayBird:
I caught my hubby in a similar situation but it wasn't sexting it was cyber sexing and occasional phone sex. However, unlike you, he never knew the women he did it with and all or most of them lived in completely different states. I only took him back after he agreed to go to counseling to see why he was behaving like this. I'm confident, however, that he never met these women (I KNOW because I changed all his passwords and checked all his emails and there was no evidence of it) so it was easier to forgive him. IF it were someone he worked with I would NEVER take his word for it and I would've left him. In fact, I told him if I EVER find out he did meet someone I'm out the door. I think that if you want to stay with him both of you should go to counseling and if he is unwilling, then maybe it is best you go separate ways. I agree that he probably won't tell you the truth and if he were sneaking out to meet this woman, there's a good chance it wasn't just a casual meeting.

Jocelyn0415 · October 2010

L_Woods:
MayBird:
I caught my hubby in a similar situation but it wasn't sexting it was cyber sexing and occasional phone sex. However, unlike you, he never knew the women he did it with and all or most of them lived in completely different states. I only took him back after he agreed to go to counseling to see why he was behaving like this. I'm confident, however, that he never met these women (I KNOW because I changed all his passwords and checked all his emails and there was no evidence of it) so it was easier to forgive him. IF it were someone he worked with I would NEVER take his word for it and I would've left him. In fact, I told him if I EVER find out he did meet someone I'm out the door. I think that if you want to stay with him both of you should go to counseling and if he is unwilling, then maybe it is best you go separate ways. I agree that he probably won't tell you the truth and if he were sneaking out to meet this woman, there's a good chance it wasn't just a casual meeting.

Hahaha spot on!

SnailButt · October 2010

SweetCuppinCakes · October 2010

SnailButt:

Fun fact: Two Halloweens ago I was Patrick Bateman. I wore the business suit under the clear rainslicker and had red paint splattered across my face. I had short hair so I slicked it back like his too. It was awesome.

DrinknDerive · October 2010

Hey Bumpies, is this where you get your marriage advice?

SnailButt · October 2010

SweetCuppinCakes:
SnailButt:

Fun fact: Two Halloweens ago I was Patrick Bateman. I wore the business suit under the clear rainslicker and had red paint splattered across my face. I had short hair so I slicked it back like his too. It was awesome.

That's awesome!!!

I also think that Scott Disick (from 'Keeping up with the Kardashians' looks exactly like him. Uncanny, isn't it?

Kummer2011 · October 2010

k heres the thing i just whent through this with my husband and its hard we have only been together for 11 month and we got married 2 months before our son was born... i caught him sexting a girl from neufoundland and he wouldnt tell me her name or anything till she felt so bad she told me herself on my msn i didnt even realize everything they were doing him telling her that they could get a hotel and i would never know about it she was my supposed online friend he even tried convincing me we should fly her down to have a threesome i thought it ended after he suggested that but it didnt they secretly texted photos and plans behind my back this all ended may long soo i hope i asked for marriage councelling and y he did it he said no and because im fat from having our child and hes not attracted to me anymore... i dont know why i stayed because now he has all these chicks from dating sites on his msn and wont delete them or his msn let alone give me his password im really stuck were pregnant with baby number 2 not planned and i love him so much i dont know what to do im sick of the abuse mentally and emotionally ... good luck i hope everything works out ps kicking him out and taking him back in was the worst thing i did cuz now i feel its my fault that im stuck

SweetCuppinCakes · October 2010

MomtoobeAGAIN:
k heres the thing i just whent through this with my husband and its hard we have only been together for 11 month and we got married 2 months before our son was born... i caught him sexting a girl from neufoundland and he wouldnt tell me her name or anything till she felt so bad she told me herself on my msn i didnt even realize everything they were doing him telling her that they could get a hotel and i would never know about it she was my supposed online friend he even tried convincing me we should fly her down to have a threesome i thought it ended after he suggested that but it didnt they secretly texted photos and plans behind my back this all ended may long soo i hope i asked for marriage councelling and y he did it he said no and because im fat from having our child and hes not attracted to me anymore... i dont know why i stayed because now he has all these chicks from dating sites on his msn and wont delete them or his msn let alone give me his password im really stuck were pregnant with baby number 2 not planned and i love him so much i dont know what to do im sick of the abuse mentally and emotionally ... good luck i hope everything works out ps kicking him out and taking him back in was the worst thing i did cuz now i feel its my fault that im stuck

I.... this.... I can't even read it... it doesn't make any sense.

lrachelle80 · October 2010

MomtoobeAGAIN:
k heres the thing i just whent through this with my husband and its hard we have only been together for 11 month and we got married 2 months before our son was born... i caught him sexting a girl from neufoundland and he wouldnt tell me her name or anything till she felt so bad she told me herself on my msn i didnt even realize everything they were doing him telling her that they could get a hotel and i would never know about it she was my supposed online friend he even tried convincing me we should fly her down to have a threesome i thought it ended after he suggested that but it didnt they secretly texted photos and plans behind my back this all ended may long soo i hope i asked for marriage councelling and y he did it he said no and because im fat from having our child and hes not attracted to me anymore... i dont know why i stayed because now he has all these chicks from dating sites on his msn and wont delete them or his msn let alone give me his password im really stuck were pregnant with baby number 2 not planned and i love him so much i dont know what to do im sick of the abuse mentally and emotionally ... good luck i hope everything works out ps kicking him out and taking him back in was the worst thing i did cuz now i feel its my fault that im stuck

silver_strands87 · October 2010

ReturnOfKuus:
What was alarmingly stupid about your advice was that you think she shouldn't make use of the skills of a professional who is trained to help couples deal with these sorts of things, but that she should definitely read a book that isn't remotely applicable to the situation at hand. Dumb, dumb, dumb.

Quit trolling people...seriously. I'm sure you all have much better things to do than ram a difference of opinion (which I actually liked and thought was better thought out than just "leave the cad" -- however, no, she should not have said "try to work this through without a counselor", so I'll give the devil her due on that point). Of course then, maybe not. Still, your lack of maturity in handling someone else's view shows that you fall under the category of "Nazi Mom", which was brought up a couple of weeks ago under Mom types if you receive the E-Mails like I do. No one likes it (not that you're trying to win a likeability contest) except for the wolves that gravitate towards messages like these (I do consider myself a wolf at times with these raging hormones ;-) ) and you're not proving anything by acting like a pack of Hitlers jumping on...well...you get the gist. Did you ever think that that person did not need the stress of other individuals jumping on her? Nope, thought not.

Now, the OP is on thebump boards for a reason. Meaning, uh, she's probably pregnant? If not, I'd advise her to keep it that way for the time being, just in case things don't work out. Having a family in this situation is very difficult, since you need to take your child into consideration as well as yourself. It needs to be handled with delicacy. Yes, marriages can work out even with cheaters; HOWEVER, hearing about his past behavior does seem to me like he's not willing to solve this problem. Blaming you instead of feeling bad about what he did is a type of psychological abuse. You really should look into getting a marriage counselor to work through these problems first, since you cannot divorce until it is completely irreparable. At least, that's how it is in the state of Florida. Like I said, if you have a child, this honestly should be the next step you take before saying "I'm through". He cheated twice, so this is an incredibly severe problem, but I've heard of marriages making it (and being quite successful) even with these complications. Note that if you are in a physically abusive relationship you shoud get out no matter what, since it isn't a safe situation for you or a child to be in; however, I haven't heard anything that would be considered "phsyical abuse". The guy is a sleeze bag, but see if he's willing to go for counseling. If not, I'd give him the ultimatum and then follow through. If he loves and respects you, he'll do the right thing.

SweetCuppinCakes · October 2010

silver_strands87:

ReturnOfKuus:
What was alarmingly stupid about your advice was that you think she shouldn't make use of the skills of a professional who is trained to help couples deal with these sorts of things, but that she should definitely read a book that

isn't remotely applicable to the situation at hand. Dumb, dumb, dumb.

Quit trolling people...seriously. I'm sure you all have much better things to do than ram a difference of opinion (which I actually liked and thought was better thought out than just "leave the cad" -- however, no, she should not have said "try to work this through without a counselor", so I'll give the devil her due on that point). Of course then, maybe not. Still, your lack of maturity in handling someone else's view shows that you fall under the category of "Nazi Mom", which was brought up a couple of weeks ago under Mom types if you receive the E-Mails like I do. No one likes it (not that you're trying to win a likeability contest) except for the wolves that gravitate towards messages like these (I do consider myself a wolf at times with these raging hormones ;-) ) and you're not proving anything by acting like a pack of Hitlers jumping on...well...you get the gist. Did you ever think that that person did not need the stress of other individuals jumping on her? Nope, thought not.

Now, the OP is on thebump boards for a reason. Meaning, uh, she's probably pregnant? If not, I'd advise her to keep it that way for the time being, just in case things don't work out. Having a family in this situation is very difficult, since you need to take your child into consideration as well as yourself. It needs to be handled with delicacy. Yes, marriages can work out even with cheaters; HOWEVER, hearing about his past behavior does seem to me like he's not willing to solve this problem. Blaming you instead of feeling bad about what he did is a type of psychological abuse. You really should look into getting a marriage counselor to work through these problems first, since you cannot divorce until it is completely irreparable. At least, that's how it is in the state of Florida. Like I said, if you have a child, this honestly should be the next step you take before saying "I'm through". He cheated twice, so this is an incredibly severe problem, but I've heard of marriages making it (and being quite successful) even with these complications. Note that if you are in a physically abusive relationship you shoud get out no matter what, since it isn't a safe situation for you or a child to be in; however, I haven't heard anything that would be considered "phsyical abuse". The guy is a sleeze bag, but see if he's willing to go for counseling. If not, I'd give him the ultimatum and then follow through. If he loves and respects you, he'll do the right thing.

OH MY GOD. How fuucking stupid are you people that you don't read the fuucking thread. THIS IS NOT THE BUMP! THIS IS TROUBLE IN PARADISE ON THE NEST!! JFC! You were linked here from the Bump but THIS IS NOT THE BUMP!

ALSO THIS THREAD IS 3 MONTHS OLD AND THE OP HAS NEVER COME BACK!!

Goddamn the stupidity is AMAZING!

DrinknDerive · October 2010

SweetCuppinCakes:
silver_strands87:

ReturnOfKuus:
What was alarmingly stupid about your advice was that you think she shouldn't make use of the skills of a professional who is trained to help couples deal with these sorts of things, but that she should definitely read a book that

isn't remotely applicable to the situation at hand. Dumb, dumb, dumb.

Quit trolling people...seriously. I'm sure you all have much better things to do than ram a difference of opinion (which I actually liked and thought was better thought out than just "leave the cad" -- however, no, she should not have said "try to work this through without a counselor", so I'll give the devil her due on that point). Of course then, maybe not. Still, your lack of maturity in handling someone else's view shows that you fall under the category of "Nazi Mom", which was brought up a couple of weeks ago under Mom types if you receive the E-Mails like I do. No one likes it (not that you're trying to win a likeability contest) except for the wolves that gravitate towards messages like these (I do consider myself a wolf at times with these raging hormones ;-) ) and you're not proving anything by acting like a pack of Hitlers jumping on...well...you get the gist. Did you ever think that that person did not need the stress of other individuals jumping on her? Nope, thought not.

Now, the OP is on thebump boards for a reason. Meaning, uh, she's probably pregnant? If not, I'd advise her to keep it that way for the time being, just in case things don't work out. Having a family in this situation is very difficult, since you need to take your child into consideration as well as yourself. It needs to be handled with delicacy. Yes, marriages can work out even with cheaters; HOWEVER, hearing about his past behavior does seem to me like he's not willing to solve this problem. Blaming you instead of feeling bad about what he did is a type of psychological abuse. You really should look into getting a marriage counselor to work through these problems first, since you cannot divorce until it is completely irreparable. At least, that's how it is in the state of Florida. Like I said, if you have a child, this honestly should be the next step you take before saying "I'm through". He cheated twice, so this is an incredibly severe problem, but I've heard of marriages making it (and being quite successful) even with these complications. Note that if you are in a physically abusive relationship you shoud get out no matter what, since it isn't a safe situation for you or a child to be in; however, I haven't heard anything that would be considered "phsyical abuse". The guy is a sleeze bag, but see if he's willing to go for counseling. If not, I'd give him the ultimatum and then follow through. If he loves and respects you, he'll do the right thing.

OH MY GOD. How fuucking stupid are you people that you don't read the fuucking thread. THIS IS NOT THE BUMP! THIS IS TROUBLE IN PARADISE ON THE NEST!! JFC! You were linked here from the Bump but THIS IS NOT THE BUMP!

ALSO THIS THREAD IS 3 MONTHS OLD AND THE OP HAS NEVER COME BACK!!

Goddamn the stupidity is AMAZING!

Why are you so angry? I'm just trying to save her marriage and her soul.

SweetCuppinCakes · October 2010

Sorry, I'm allergic to stupid. Sad

It makes me break out in rage.

ashlovesneil13 · October 2010

I caught my ex husband doing the same during my first pregnancy. I forgave him and he went to counseling for a while, but eight and a half months into my second pregnancy he cheated with "a working girl". The truth all finally came out that he had been participating in much riskier and more damaging behaviors the entire time we were married, I just didn't know. Back to counseling for both of us and expensive therapy for his sex addiction. I tried to forgive and move on, but four months later he slipped into having inappropriate sexual relationships with other women again. He finally chose to leave, saying he didn't think family life was for him. I had a two year old and a five month old. Leaving was the best thing he ever did for us. About four months after he left he asked if he can come back. I told him to give me a couple of days to think about it. It only took about an hour for me to decide I would rather be a single mom for the rest of my life if I have to then to live another moment with the anxiety and distrust and utter lack of emotional safety he had brought to our lives. Happy ending, I found an old high school boy friend on the internet and within a few months we were married and just had our first baby together in june, our little Summer. Lessons I learned...Safety is a necessity in your life, and if you can't find that with your spouse then do it yourself....the kids are more important than anything and they feed off of your emotions (happy you=happy kids). Do what you need to do to make your life and your children's lives safe and stable and healthy and you will be blessed:)

DrinknDerive · October 2010

SweetCuppinCakes:
Sorry, I'm allergic to stupid. It makes me break out in rage.

I'm immune to it. I spent a while on 1st tri on TB.

sucrets4 · October 2010

Chantalr99:
I don't know how you feel because I have not experienced this pain, but please before you decide anything, watch the movie "Fireproof"

I'll save you time, the moral of the movie is that you can save your marriage for, like, 20k. What a bargain!

smock.smock · October 2010

"Pack of Hilters" AWESOME!!!

DrinknDerive · October 2010

Post count + 1.

Jen&Joe06 · October 2010

I am guessing this is why people think they are in the Bump.

Jocelyn0415 · October 2010

Jen&Joe06:
I am guessing this is why people think they are in the Bump.

Yeah, you can get to the TIP board from TB. I figured that's what was happening, but seriously. It's not difficult to read the OP and figure out when this was written and read the other posts stating over and over that the OP never came back so they're wasting their time giving their asinine advice.

Jen&Joe06 · October 2010

Well that would require them to actually read the responses when clearly they haven't because if they had they would be commenting on the horrific/funny/sadforthehumanrace advice.

Sexting? How do you forgive and move on?

Re: Sexting? How do you forgive and move on?

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