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Our tech team has launched updates to The Nest today. As a result of these updates, members of the Nest Community will need to change their password in order to continue participating in the community. In addition, The Nest community member's avatars will be replaced with generic default avatars. If you wish to revert to your original avatar, you will need to re-upload it via The Nest.
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Note: This only affects The Nest's community members and will not affect members on The Bump or The Knot.
Re: I come bearing gifts from 3rd Tri Now with Masturbation!
Uh - not to be picky, but I'm pretty sure he might have been smited because Judah told Onan to screw his wife so that she could get pregnant, and by "spilling his seed" Onan was refusing to provide a son for his brother. I don't think it was just the idea of masturbation here. Just sayin'.
Edited - cuz I can spellz - really i can.
"You don't get to be all puke-face about your kid shooting your undead baby daddy when all you had to do was KEEP HIM IN THE FLUCKING HOUSE, LORI!" - doctorwho
how does this apply to women? i don't spill seed.
Which is so frickin' AWESOMESAUCE!
Ohhh, this story. I get it now.
Laurenpetro's question is extremely valid, as well.
Also, when did the 'pull-out' method = masturbation?
AW - I thought scripture stated that the marriage bed is undefiled. My interpretation and my pastor's was that you can get your freak on however it pleases your spouse.
Zuma Zoom
We don't see anything wrong with involving the other person. But we feel sex was intended as an act meant to strengthen and bond us as a couple, so doing it alone doesn't make sense.
And nitaw - our pastor actually doesn't talk about masturbation. I think you guys would be surprised to see that we attend a very moderate mainstream church. We are probably some of the most conservative people attending. I honestly don't know what my church or pastor thinks about masturbation, and honestly don't care. My faith differs in many other ways from our church (we have yet to find one that we agree with 100%). We attend our church because of the community and because we feel God's presence there - we like worship there. I can disagree with my pastor and still love my church.
between my friend who can go to her service in their church's coffee shop and your awesome pastor, i seriously have to look into a new church. mine sucks.
Thank you. Now Missy Elloitt is in my head.
I dunno, I just knew it had to do w/ Onan. I was trying to be helpful!
Well if this chick didn't masturbate I would be crankier than I am now..might as well smite me and make me blind now.
What? Too much?
Copz - you should just deal with it. Pleasuring yourself means you love your husband less in the long run. HTH
THATS what is doing it? I thought it was his offensive foot odor
There doesn't have to be an exact verse that says not to masturbate. The Bible can be interpreted differently by different people. There are many verses that talk about sexual immorality that don't exactly define what that means. Is adultery sexually immoral? homosexuality? oral sex? any sex outside of procreation? anal sex? pornography?
This is why I say it is my FAITH that guides me on this issue. I've read my Bible and asked the Holy Spirit for guidance, and my husband and I have discussed the issue together. That is where our faith comes from - not some blind allegiance to our pastor or church.
And on these boards I always hear the "every man masturbates" stuff. You can believe what you want. It doesn't bother me. I just think you're underestimating the conviction certain men and women have that stems from their faith. You're also forgetting that as a good submissive wife, your husband wouldn't really need to masturbate
Idiots. Spouses seeking purity and holiness for one another.
Call it what you want. Doesn't bother me
This is my understanding as well. I guess within limits. I don't believe it would be OK for my spouse to ask another person into our marriage bed together even if it pleases him.
Another person isn't married to you. Just your husband. That example doesn't quite work.
If your husband admitted to masturbating to the thought of another woman, I could see how it would be an issue. Or vise versa. That's why we don't watch porn. I don't need my husband intentionally putting the image of another woman in his mind when it comes to sex. It's natural to have slips here or there, but not seeking out provocation. (This is also our thing in our marriage based on our faith. I don't have a say in others and what they do to get their kicks)
So, him doing himself isn't really much different than you (not specifically you) giving in when you're not in the mood. It's clearly only for his pleasure not yours. He might as well masturbate and save you the trouble.
Zuma Zoom
Two consenting married adults who both agree to not masturbate is odd to me, but whatever makes folks happy.
One spouse wanting to masturbate, the other forbidding it, and then expecting the deprived to just deal if sex gets cut off for an extended period = ridiculous and selfish.
I know your last sentence is TIC, but on the realz, I find myself to be a good "submissive" wife, but guess what, there is a time when I'm just to dayum tired to perform. In that case, H can go help himself with the bottle of baby oil. It's not the death nail in our marriage.
What's problematic is that women have these notions that they have failed and the time your H has with his hand means that your marriage is on the brink of dayum divorce. It's unrealistic and places undue pressure on a wife to be a freak in the sheets, an Iron Chef, PTA Mom of the Year, and get the Golden Broom Award for keeping a spotless house. And lord forbid she work outside of the home because she needs to be employee of the year.
Add in these, Well the Bible Says, it's complicates matters even more. And the same goes for my H, there are times when he has worked his azz off that he just can't provide some mind blowing sexy time. Guess what, I got two hands and that will take care of that need until he can get some sleep and see about my needs another day.
But you know, it's whatevs. What ever gets your rocks off is fine with me. *shrugs*
Palms, really? My eyes are still burning a little.
And masturbation... once in 14 years? yeah, okay. Honestly, I'm not sure I could come up with something w/r/t our sex life/marriage/relationship that I care less about than masturbation (I mean, whether he does it or not - have at it, yo). CRYING ABOUT IT? No. But I'm a Catholic, I mean, heathen.
That's great that it works for you. Masturbating wouldn't work for me because I would feel the guilt of sin the entire time I was doing it. I could never enjoy it.
(Not saying that to call you a sinner, just saying that my faith says it is sinful, so I couldn't engage in it happily.)
My point in saying that is that my husband feels the same way about masturbating being sinful. If he needs to have sex, he comes and asks me. Part of my faith also deals with serving my husband in any way he needs it (and his is serving me in other ways and knowing when not to ask out of respect for me). I don't turn him down. Period.
But I still get pleasure out of giving in when I'm not in the mood. It's not sexual pleasure, but the pleasure of knowing I am serving my husband and that it pleases God. I feel like it's an act of worship to take care of my husband's needs. Him masturbating wouldn't give me that pleasure, so I don't think it's the same thing.
I have no problem with others doing what they feel is right within their marriage. All I am saying is that it doesn't work for my husband or I.
I feel like another part of our faith is self control. I feel like denying ourselves the ability to please ourselves without our partner helps us to grow spiritually. We learn delayed gratification through it.
#blessyourheart
So to clarify, you're one of those "pick and choose" zealots who actually have no legit basis in any religion but set rules apon yourself and your family and call it "god". Did I get that right?
I mean, doesnt anyone else notice their mans load consistency? I can tell when the last time my guy helped himself out. Unless your having sex every 3 days or so I guess.
Outside of the faith part, the similarity between this description and how folks I know describe dom/sub sex relationships is eerily similar. I don't judge them, I won't judge you, whatever makes folks happy.
Even if you're not interested or not feeling up to it? Yeah, I just don't get this.
Of course, in my faith, the burden of pleasure is on the husband. In fact at some point (and probably MrDobalina can chime in) the ancient scholar rabbis determined just how available husbands had to be to their wives based on their occupation.
Traveling merchants - at least once a month.
Learned men who spent most of their time studying - every day if she wants it.
No. Not at all.
We are Bible believing Christians. I tend to take a very literal approach to interpreting the Bible, but also study history and context a lot to help me in my understanding. I also understand that the Bible was written at a time in history where not everything we know now or have now is covered. For example, certain technology, like IVF or cloning, didn't take place in Biblical times. Just because there isn't a specific Bible verse about cloning doesn't mean that a Christian can't read the Bible, ask for guidance from the Holy Spirit or their pastor, and then come to their own faith-based conclusions.
Masturbation is the same for me. The Bible doesn't have to say the word "masturbate" in order for me to come to conclusions about what I think God is asking from me on this issue.
I'm not picking and choosing. I'm carefully considering issues and following the Holy Spirit within me.
I'm not sure where you came up with your above conclusions and I'm sorry if I've made you believe that from my explanations here. That actually makes me upset, because the Bible is my guide and I believe there is only one God. I hope I've never posted anything on the contrary.
If I'm not going to get pleasure out of sex, sexually, I would feel like I'm being violated, plain and simple. There are times that I'm not into it initially, but know that I plan to take charge and get mine from him.
Marital rape, which is awfully close to what you're describing "I don't say no. Period." Whatever way you chose to mentally/spiritually/emotionally justify having sex when you don't want to have it.
I could honestly catch what you were throwing until that line. I don't want worship in my mind when I'm having sex. I want all the goodness and mercy of multiple O's. (please don't make that a sig quote people). Give me Marvin Gaye, and keep Hillsong out.
Zuma Zoom
Am I the only one who is thinking about Miss Celie?
"He does his business on top of me."