Lurkers?

LooneyLife

Are there any lurkers out there that have been wanting to jump in? Maybe you've introduced once before but never came back?

Come on out and introduce yourselves! TTA, TTC, 3T...wherever you are in your journey, there's probably someone else here that can relate.

alexisanna44

Hi! I'm Alexis. I creep everyone's posts. I used to be pretty regular around here a few years ago. Then I got pregnant and lots of people got more and more bitter making even more people feel unwelcome. So now I rarely post. But I have lots of thoughts and insight so I might just start popping in.

LooneyLife

Totally understandable @alexisanna44
I think that's why a lot of people stopped posting (that and life changes, people get busy, etc).
I think generally speaking, as long as the BR conversations are kept to GPM most people don't mind the siggies and occasional child mention, especially from people that were here while TTC said children.

Jump in anytime
(I certainly do on GPM)

botanicalbliss

I used to be a super-reg, but now mostly I just lurk.  TTA at the moment.

nightmare_of_beauty

Hey now I'm a pretty open lurker on GPM with posting from time to time, no reason you can't join in! I guess, welcome back? 

alexisanna44

See that's the thing. We used to talk about babies all the time. That's the ultimate goal, so how did it become the elephant in the room? I'm not going to come over here and start spouting off stories and posting pics, but how did the goal become taboo?

LooneyLife

Any other old regs out there? Maybe TTC again? Come back! We miss you!
Well most of you

LooneyLife

alexisanna44 said:

See that's the thing. We used to talk about babies all the time. That's the ultimate goal, so how did it become the elephant in the room? I'm not going to come over here and start spouting off stories and posting pics, but how did the goal become taboo?

I didn't say it was. Maybe I'm not understanding what types of things you think are taboo?

I think it's a great idea to hash these things out because I think it's a large part of what keeps old regs away. That and they've just moved on with their lives which is normal.

alexisanna44

I apologize in advance for the wall of text. I've seen women intro on here, mention having one child, and they're automatically directed to GPM. Everything gets labeled now, ok fine, but people still get crap. The other day when LittleLady was paged I thought it was incredibly rude that an update wasn't really "allowed" here. Women that have been here, shown support, and have been cheered on for so long, aren't really welcome to update on this board. It is expected that any updates go on GPM and GPers are to head over there.

PinkinProvence

I lurk now but was a regular poster for the difficult TTC process.  Although no one specifically made me feel unwelcome, it was easily discernible that once you were pregnant, you were expected to pack up and leave the community you had been a part of during the hardest time in your life.

Although I would never sit here and post baby stories (I also would never post cute DH stories), I can't pretend that aspect of my life does not exist.  But just like IRL, I still have many facets of my life and would like to share those.  I would also love to help and support anyone going through the issues I did because I don't know how I would have coped without the kind words and support of GP.

nightmare_of_beauty

PR

I know when I got my BFP, I originally thought once you got it, you moved to GPM, especially with tickers. It was during that time that we did have a post about continue to post so I went between the two (and still do). 

saralynn7

I would love to come back and be a regular poster again but the environment hasn't exactly been welcoming.

PinkinProvence

nightmare_of_beauty said:

PR

I know when I got my BFP, I originally thought once you got it, you moved to GPM, especially with tickers. It was during that time that we did have a post about continue to post so I went between the two (and still do). 

This was not always how it was.  Yes, there were never pregnancy questions or childcare questions posted on GP (those would go on GPM) but updates about pregnancy, kids and life were always welcome on GP until several months ago when the board started to turn.  I always looked forward to updates on those who had achieved the goal of pregnancy and babies on GP. 

Of course, I look with vitriol on drive-by announcements, ignorance, etc. and don't mind snark in those situations.  But GP should be a place that cries together and celebrates together - not a community that shuns girls who have had successful treatment or were just lucky.  How can more support from an all-inclusive community who have gone through similar journeys ever be a bad thing?

LooneyLife

alexisanna44 said:

I apologize in advance for the wall of text. I've seen women intro on here, mention having one child, and they're automatically directed to GPM. Everything gets labeled now, ok fine, but people still get crap. The other day when LittleLady was paged I thought it was incredibly rude that an update wasn't really "allowed" here. Women that have been here, shown support, and have been cheered on for so long, aren't really welcome to update on this board. It is expected that any updates go on GPM and GPers are to head over there.

Others will probably have to address this because honestly none of it bothers me. And I don't see the harm in LL updating a post that was addressed to her. If someone was offended, that's their own fault for opening something not addressed to them. As far as people with children are concerned, I thought they were just being directed to GPM if they wanted to talk with other already parents, not that they weren't allowed here. Again, none of this stuff bothers me so I'm probably the wrong person to address it.

But I'm sorry you feel unwelcome.

LooneyLife

nightmare_of_beauty said:

PR

I know when I got my BFP, I originally thought once you got it, you moved to GPM, especially with tickers. It was during that time that we did have a post about continue to post so I went between the two (and still do). 

Honest question, but I wonder where this comes from. Because I never felt that way. I wonder if it has to do with the point in time (board culture-wise) in which you joined?

nightmare_of_beauty

I can understand there are some days you don't want to read about certain things, we've all had those days. I think as long as the title is clear what it's about (not something like "hi!") than you know what it is and can choose to not read it. 

I don't think there would have been anything wrong with LL posting her update on GP, but I understand that some others wouldn't want to read it, and again, I assumed it was the norm that a post like that would go over there. 

LuckyAngel07

@LooneyLife - I you. You've always been so sweet and supportive, but REAL nonetheless. Thanks for posting this!

And  :-h HI  :-h to the would-be returners! Would love to see many of you here, since I became so very invested in your struggles and successes.

nightmare_of_beauty

Hence why I stalk you @LuckyAngel07

brij2006

LooneyLife said:

I apologize in advance for the wall of text. I've seen women intro on here, mention having one child, and they're automatically directed to GPM. Everything gets labeled now, ok fine, but people still get crap. The other day when LittleLady was paged I thought it was incredibly rude that an update wasn't really "allowed" here. Women that have been here, shown support, and have been cheered on for so long, aren't really welcome to update on this board. It is expected that any updates go on GPM and GPers are to head over there.

Others will probably have to address this because honestly none of it bothers me. And I don't see the harm in LL updating a post that was addressed to her. If someone was offended, that's their own fault for opening something not addressed to them. As far as people with children are concerned, I thought they were just being directed to GPM if they wanted to talk with other already parents, not that they weren't allowed here. Again, none of this stuff bothers me so I'm probably the wrong person to address it. But I'm sorry you feel unwelcome.

This is how I feel too.  Absolutely none of this stuff bothers me.  Not pregnancy tickers, siggy's with babies, or profile pics with kids.  We're all here for the same end goal and there's no shame in getting what we've all been trying so hard to achieve.

*Loss mentioned*
Some of my greatest support has come from the GPM ladies before, during, and after our loss.  I couldn't have asked for a better support system of women when I knew the inevitable was happening and my pregnancy journey was ending.  I don't see any reason why anyone would need to go away from GP just because they have a baby ticker or picture in their siggy.  The women who have been through even just months or years of TTC/3T have a lot of advice and input.  Just because they may have gotten their child in one way, shape, or form. Doesn't mean that their journey no longer counts and they have no advice or support to give to others. 

flowerpower3

:-h

Aimothy

Oh. Good. The good ol' GPM/GP debate. This hasn't happened in a while. 

RockABye

This is a debate that goes on year after year after year and it changes every time. Way back when, the BR posts were overwhelming and the "rules" for posting BR/PG stuff was getting ridiculous (seriously, it go to where if you posted a getting pregnant related question, you have to label GPR. Um, stupid). There was a big blow up and that's when GPM was created....so that moms and pregnants would have a place to go and ask pregnancy or new mom related questions, AW their babies, etc. It's always been and ebb/flow kinda deal when it comes to moms/pregnants updating on GP. For awhile, it was welcomed and even expectected, then it was all "LET'S SHUN AND BURN PREGNANTS AT THE STAKE!" then back to "please update us on how you're doing!" and so on and so forth. There is never a winner. I've been here actively for over 6 years and I lurked/occasionally posted (with a diff name) for a year or two before that so probably closer to 8 years total (ugh, how pathetic does that make me?! We won't even get into total Nest time..). I've seen it go through phases, and the back and forth always makes me snicker to myself. The board dynamic changes every several months/year it seems.

All that to say, I have no problem with moms/pregnants posting here as long as they're mindful of those struggling. Yes, I know that the majority of GP isn't 3T, but I remember back when I was only trying a few months and it still sucked to see br post after br post after br post. Does that mean you can't post helpful information or reply to posts based on your experience or just join in the mundane blahblahblah conversations? Absolutely not! I know that I still welcome input from those who've been through this and were successful with pregnancy! It just means that if you (general you, not YOU) want to fuss about puking all day from ms or if you have a question about cracked nips, you go to GPM. That's all.

I'm sorry some of you don't feel welcome. I hope that dynamic changes again soon (as it probably will, based on history!) and you feel more welcome to post more often.

caseyandlizzie

I've never felt unwelcome posting her after my bfp. I also don't really post a lot about my kid on GPM or anywhere else. I can wholeheartedly relate to people having bad days, so I try to be sensitive of that. I think GP as a whole used to be a more encompassing community, and as of late it's been more focused on TTC matters as opposed to life in general.

amandaf6383

See, I waver a little here. A while back, I wanted to start a GP Grad Check In on weekly or even biweekly basis. I loooove the women I've befriended and gotten to know better on here so I like to be updated when they're successful so I can share in the joy as well as share in the distress that came before.

The idea wasn't really favored so nothing came of it but believe me when I say that I check GPM on Mondays and Wednesdays for updates and bump pictures! I don't think posts on GP should be JUST PR/BR (like AW: DS's first BDay or I Have Morning Sickness) but I do think that once a GP'er is a mom, it obviously becomes a part of their life so if a child or pregnancy is mentioned in a post/comment,I am no offended. Does that make sense?

I know that this may sound hypocritical but I also tend to be more welcoming of updates on here from those I have known longer and like better. If you weren't here long enough for me to care about your story, I don't really care to see your updates here. And if I don't like you, I definitely don't care to see your updates.

LooneyLife

I think a GP Grad checkin is a great idea. It might help people feel more comfortable posting more often even outside of the check in.

LooneyLife

madeline10L said:

amandaf6383 said:

I know that this may sound hypocritical but I also tend to be more welcoming of updates on here from those I have known longer and like better. If you weren't here long enough for me to care about your story, I don't really care to see your updates here. And if I don't like you, I definitely don't care to see your updates.

Do you read the comments of the people you don't like or do you automatically skip over them? 

So you're saying if someone intro'd, got pregnant easily, and wanted to updated occasionally on this "GP Grad Check In" they shouldn't be allowed to because they weren't here long enough? 

-----------------
She was speaking honestly and said she personally didn't care about their updates. She didn't say they wouldn't be allowed in a check in.

amandaf6383

madeline10L said:

amandaf6383 said:

I know that this may sound hypocritical but I also tend to be more welcoming of updates on here from those I have known longer and like better. If you weren't here long enough for me to care about your story, I don't really care to see your updates here. And if I don't like you, I definitely don't care to see your updates.

Do you read the comments of the people you don't like or do you automatically skip over them? 

So you're saying if someone intro'd, got pregnant easily, and wanted to updated occasionally on this "GP Grad Check In" they shouldn't be allowed to because they weren't here long enough? 

No, of course not Madeline! You know me better than that, I think. If there is a GP Grad Check In, everyone who's a grad can post. I just don't care as much, and if they do post separately on GP, I might not read their posts because I'm not as interested in what they have to say. But that's just me being honest. I'm sure everyone here has certain people they like and don't like and read posts accordingly.

PinkinProvence

amandaf6383 said:

madeline10L said:

amandaf6383 said:

I know that this may sound hypocritical but I also tend to be more welcoming of updates on here from those I have known longer and like better. If you weren't here long enough for me to care about your story, I don't really care to see your updates here. And if I don't like you, I definitely don't care to see your updates.

Do you read the comments of the people you don't like or do you automatically skip over them? 

So you're saying if someone intro'd, got pregnant easily, and wanted to updated occasionally on this "GP Grad Check In" they shouldn't be allowed to because they weren't here long enough? 

No, of course not Madeline! You know me better than that, I think. If there is a GP Grad Check In, everyone who's a grad can post. I just don't care as much, and if they do post separately on GP, I might not read their posts because I'm not as interested in what they have to say. But that's just me being honest. I'm sure everyone here has certain people they like and don't like and read posts accordingly.

Just like in real life, we don't have to all like each other.  But nasty swipes and comments (veiled or not) should not be made for the sole purpose of sport.  Discussion and debates should be encouraged but not bullying or meanness. 

Clarification that I am not directing this to Amanda but just building on her statement.

Emeraldeyed315

I was never a regular by any means, but I did comment.  This board kept me going through a lot of hard times. Think about the regulars here often but haven't posted in a very long time. I think I posted once a little bit ago about eating gluten free to someone though...

Anyway...thank you for this post. Just because I don't post regularly doesn't mean I'm not thinking of everyone here and like seeing updates. 

MRads

Well, at least this is better than a dead board.

IMO, I feel like people on GP only dislike updates from pregnants or moms when they abandon the board exclusively for GPM and they come back only to AW their kid. Or to only chime in with the mom perspective. You can continue to post about relevant topics. You can even mention your kid.

Just don't roll in here complaining about morning sickness or how your kid didnt sleep last night. Does it suck, yes? But it's also insensitive to complain about things that people on this board want.

Venti29

Hi.